Stuff Portrait Friday!

This weeks's offerings are courtesy of Kristine's stepson's suggestions.

*Something in your house that isn't where it should be.

*Something you broke, but kept.

*Food that you have in your house that you never eat. (or drink)

First, I will show you the food:




Pesto in a jar. This one is just not one that I have a desire to serve on bread or pasta, but I hold onto it anyway. I know. Pesto! Everything else in the fridge and the pantry we will eat. Eventually.

Here is something that is broken, but we use still use it:




The 'entertainment center' in the playroom. The stereo is the one that I got when I was 12 years old and only one of the speakers work. You wouldn't realize the sound is only coming out of one speaker the way my daughter blasts Radio Disney and show tunes. The VCR that she has doesn't really rewind tapes anymore. But the Disney Princess DVD player is kind of new! It still works!

Now to show you what is out of place.....




The kitten wants to try out the new Toto Ultramax! Silly kitty! Toilets are for beings with opposable thumbs!

Here is one of the things in the house that is out of place and drives me nuts:




We have this game table that our Franklin Mint Monopoly Set sits upon. Ooh...you say...Franklin Mint! Anyway, my daughter and husband like to play a lot of chess so instead of putting the chess board back inside the table, it sits on top of the Monopoly set. And sitting under the chess board are two 'bathroom style' paintings which will most likely never get hung in the bathroom cause I don't like them that much anyway.

And there you have it!

The 23rd Meme!

I know, Lora, you already posted it, but I got tagged by Vajana!

The Rules:
1. Go into your archive.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag five other people to do the same.

This is my 23rd post, April 10th. And the sentence is: I'm not really slapping- I'm simply tapping his cheek, but in the dark and half conscious, our perceptions are intensified.

Hmm...

As for tagging, I am not too into that. So, go to Vajana's and wish her a happy birthday, then visit Lora and congratulate her on the new addition to her family!!

Terry Love's Plumbing

Yesterday I posted briefly about the toilet among toilets that was just installed in my second bathroom. I had the pleasure of purchasing the toilet from the expert on the Toto Ultramax. The man, the myth, the legend: Terry Love. When you google Toto Ultramax, the first non-sponsored link is his site. And there is a reason for that. The man could write novels about plumbing, flushing mechanism's, and commercial grade performance. In fact, he has several published articles on those subjects. Terry Love put the G in G-Max flushing mechanism.

When I called to question the availabilty of the toilet, I spoke with him. My husband did not believe me. When I said that Terry Love called my office from his cell phone, he still did not believe me. "C'mon, you expect a guy like Terry Love, the man, the myth, the legend, to return your call? The guy has more important things to do with his time than answer your questions about cotton white and colonial white color differentials." Oh, but my husband was wrong. Terry Love is about service and takes every call about the Toto seriously.

In speaking with Terry, I initially stated that I wanted the round bowl. He immediately asked if a man would be using this toilet. "Of course!" I exclaimed, "My husband can't wait to break that baby in!" "Uh, then he will want the elongated bowl, " he expertly recommended. "The elongated bowl? Well, I am not sure if we have the space for that- the area for the toilet is a bit cramped, no pun intended." He assured me that the elongated was what a man needed. So, taking his advice, I ordered, selecting the colonial white as my color choice. It would be ready on Thursday!

That day arrived and my husband drove across town to pick it up. At first, he thought he was lost, as he had entered a fancy residential area- no plumbing stores in sight. Upon reaching Terry's address, he was surprised to see toilets in the driveway and taking up most of the backyard. What kind of plumber uses their lawn as their warehouse? Knocking on the door, a sleepy man answered to say that Terry was not in, but, "your toilet is sitting there in the driveway." "No," my husband countered, "that toilet has some other ladie's name on it." The man sighed, and mumbled to himself that it was his day off and that he should at least get some sort of commission as this whole operation was his brother's thing. After a few phone calls, Terry arrived allowing his brother to go back to bed and my husband to take away the highly anticipated bathroom fixture. My husband then got a wild idea: *we* have a huge garage and shop here at Monkey Hill~ we could fill that space with Toto's and make a few extra bucks peddling them on the internet. But you know what, I wouldn't want to upset the Toto mafia. You know Terry Love's got a lot of powerful friends with their own Toto Ultramax's . Toto's hooked up my Terry himself.

Though the dream of having our own Toto business was quickly flushed- in 3 seconds, no doubt- the reality is that now we own the ultimate in gravitational flushing technology.

The Romans had their aqueducts. We at Monkey Hill have our Toto Ultramax.

Spaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!

I've been waiting almost 2 years to have it. It's still not quite complete, but my spa bathroom is now user friendly. I just took a shower...a shower that has a thermostatic shower panel. What is that, you ask? Check one out here.

The 5 bodyjets are amazing- just like getting a massage. I love that I can adjust the shower head to go all the way up, creating a rainshower effect. I almost didn't want to get out, but I had to use the toiley. And I got the toilet of all toilets. I will never have to plunge again.

I really think I have died and gone to heaven.

Stuff Portrait Friday!

I'm going to be on time this week!

Sept 23rd-It's Odd!

* Something that was perfect in the store, but awful when you got it home.

* Your cell phone

* Your camera


This week is easy peasy. What else would look perfect before I bought it, then awful when I got home? If you know me, you guessed correct:




Did you know that my dog is schizophrenic? Ya, he is. People with schizophrenia often suffer terrifying symptoms such as hearing internal voices not heard by others, He runs through the house barking incessantly at things that aren't there, specifically,at the back and front doors as well as the 17 windows throughout the house. NO ONE is outside. or believing that other people are reading their minds, controlling their thoughts, or plotting to harm them. He shivers and craps himself when anyone approaches him. He also looks at me with the 'how did you know what I wanted for dinner?' face when I cook meat. These symptoms may leave them fearful and withdrawn. Yesterday while walking past his favorite tree, Ellie started to freak out, shiver, and try to bolt away. A lone basketball was sitting on the other side of the tree. That's right, he was scared of a ball. A ball. Their speech and behavior can be so disorganized that they may be incomprehensible or frightening to others. None of my friends want to visit my home cause they can't understand any of his ramblings. As it is, Ellie has no friends other than me.

Here is my cell phone. Standard issue camera phone.




Here is my camera. You can tell what I whiz I am photographically speaking.




And there you have it!

THUD!!

Did you hear that crash?

It was me! I just fell from a sugar high.

Sugary foods are pretty rare over here at Monkey Hill. Oh, go on, tell me what a horrible mom I am for not having on hand all the sugary, gooey crap that my daughter craves on an hourly basis. You're not the first to tell me so- my mom does it everytime she visits. "You know why that child can't wait to have some ice cream? Because you deprive her of what she needs! She is sugar deprived!" Hmmm...I didn't realize that sugar was a necessary part of a growing girl's diet! But I digress...I am not here to talk to you about how much sugar my daughter does or does not eat. I'm going to talk about my sugar comsumption.

I should preface this little bit by telling you that I am not a big fan of sweets. I take salty foods anyday. Though some of my favorite snacks do include some sweets, the times I actually eat them are few and far between. Until yesterday. And today.

Monday while grocery shopping, I discovered that my favorite Halloween candy, peanut M&M's, are now available in breast cancer awareness pink. Always out to support a cause, I purchased a pound bag to bring into the office to share with my coworkers. In addition to the pink candy coated chocolate covered peanuts, I purchased all the ingredients for my world famous chocolate chip cookies. It had been nearly 6 months since I baked a batch and decided that I needed to brush up on my baking skills. That evening my daughter begged and pleaded to open the bag of M & M's- a candy she only most recently discovered since, well, I deprive her!- and of course my answer was No!. ( I should let you know that my daughter does have some serious health issues with sugar and during the school year, we really need to keep her consumption at a minimum. For the sanity of her teachers and her parents.) (Yes, I know I said I was not going to talk about my daughter's use of sugar, but I know you are probably wondering why I didn't just open up the bag and let her have a few. Or maybe you weren't. I just felt like telling you anyway.)

So, no M&M's on Monday, but Tuesday was a new day and my friends in the office were happy to indulge in the new color, feeling good about getting a buzz so early in the day. The hours passed and the candy was forgotten, the bag rubber banded and placed in the corner of my desk. Tuesday after dinner, we fired up the KitchenAid and make ourselves a batch of good old fashioned chocolate chip cookies- my world famous variety. Each of us were permitted one warm cookie, then off to bed dreaming of more chocolate morsels melting on our tongues.

Being the generous person that I am, I brought in a dozen cookies today, again, to share with my co-workers.And also to keep away from my child. But as I sat down at my desk, ready for another challenging day, that bag of M&M's called out to me. It asked if I would add their consumption to my daily to do list. When was that last time I ate a half a pound of candy? Honestly, I couldn't tell you. But, by golly, if I can hit the goals put forth to me by my company, I can surely make my way through a half a pound of pink chocolately confections. Like I said, I am always ready for a challenge! And while I was at it, I decided to throw a cookie or two in the mix!

Around 10 this morning, I started feeling a little sick. Breakfast was, after all, 2 tall cups of coffee, a couple cookies, and about 1/4 pound of candy. Oh, only 1/4 pound, you say? Yup, the challenge was to eat the bag by the end of business day. I still had half the bag to go and I had heard that if you pair sugar with protein, your body is better able to absorb it without giving you those sugar side effects. You all know what they are. So I ran to the kitchen to grab my leftover chicken dinner. I ate lunch at 10:30 and felt so much better after having nearly a whole chicken breast in my gut. I was ready for the rest of the M&M's! And I am proud to say that I finished them off around 1:30 this afternoon.

But then I started feeling sick...and I was out of protein. I had trouble concentrating. I spent the last hour of my work day giggling and eavesdropping on my co-workers conversations. And wishing I had eaten more candy. And craving more candy. And giggling. And then the headache, and the irritibility, and the incessant whining. I cried to my cubemate, "How do little kids do this? I feel like shit. My stomach hurts and I can't poop!" He lamented and said that I just needed to run it off, like little kids do. But I was wearing 2 &1/2 inch heeled boots! I can barely walk, let alone run!

I left work cranky. I made it home in record time. I walked the dog and greeted my child and talked on the phone and tried on new shoes (my recent Nordstrom.com purchase arrived today!), and whined and complained....

And crashed.

No more, please, no more M&M's. I promise not to raid the child's Halloween bucket this year.

Seen, heard, said around the office

"So, I have this customer who is referring to me as 'Tiger' in our e-mails back and forth," comments Mike to his co-worker, Joe.

"Tiger? Wow, what warranted that?" asked Joe.

"I have no idea..., " says Mike.

"Maybe she thinks of you as her Tony, " comes the voice of J Bo from her cube.

"Huh?" Mike and Joe question.

"You know...she wants you to frost her flakes," announces J Bo in a voice for the *entire office to hear* causing both Mike and Joe's faces to turn pink and a round of chuckles to be had.

J Bo then has a talk with HR.

The outcome? An e-mail that states everyone will now refer to Mike as 'Tiger'.

Roar!

Wy farz?

Because I have gas!!

You may have noticed that I have put word verification on my comments. The only reason I did this was because I got spammed and did not like it, not one little bit.

I just left a comment for myself- (!!) and the word verification was wyfarz. Ironically appearing just as my coffee has kicked in....

Stuff Portrait Friday!

A day late and a dollar short...that's me, but hey, I played. Finally!!!

This week's offerings are:

*kitchen
*handwriting
*something random

Here is my kitchen. One of my absolutely favorite places in the house aside from my bed.




I don't do much writing while at home; I tend to scribble lists. Here is the last thing I wrote down:





I love this random photo of Darian at Disneyland. She found the Bob cheese in Minnie's kitchen. *love. that*




So there you have it! Stuff Portrait Friday from J Bo!!

Anyone want some candy?

Oh, sure. What else is new? Yeah, you know all too well about the diarrhea factory also known as my dog. While he used to poop throughout the house whenever mad at me- read: just about all the time- now he is showing some respect and is now *eating* poop. Everytime our new kitten uses the litter pan, he is right there to pull it out and snack on the almond roca. He even leaves bits behind for the vacuum to enjoy.

Today he decided to eat some wet cat food then puke all over the carpeted stairs. And here I thought I could call the carpet cleaner and tell them not to do the stairs- save that cash. Dare to dream! Thanks for puking salmon surprise all over the sage green carpeting, dog. Thanks.

You know, I shouldn't complain. *I* adopted the special needs dog. I was told he would be a handful. I was warned this would happen. I brought it all on myself. I can't give him back and when I let him out hoping that he will run away and/or get hit by one of those speeding jerks that rush through my hood (Hi, the speed limit is 25 in a residential, assclown! Slow down!), he instead waits for me on the back porch. He refuses to run away!!!!

I know I am too good for him. He knows it, too, and just tried to offer me another piece of almond roca.


pooped out from candy

Taking a deep breath and going for it

I am not ready to exhale and probably won't until it is all said and done. Saying we wanted to take on another, but now actually about to embark on this new journey has me reaching for the Xanax and the red wine. But that does not do a body good, eh?

What has me spinning, reeling, wondering what the future is going to bring? No, I am not pregnant! Granted, what we are about to become is something of a parent. Nope, not another Pomeranian. *That* is easy.

We are about to become landlords.

Landlords!!

Earlier today our broker e-mailed to say that we qualified for investment property. I quote, 'Anyway the fun can begin and the challenge is to find something that can pencil out with maybe a couple hundred negative knowing the value is going up or maybe you will be lucky and it will be a wash who knows??? '

Lucky? Negative Cash Flow?!! Fun??!! What *are* we in for???!!!

Ten on Tuesday this Wednesday

I'm back! And what better way to say, 'Hello, Internet, let me reintroduce myself to you' than to do give you Ten on Tuesday's: 10 Weird Facts About You. That's me, of course.

1. I cannot stand to sit on bar stools. I actually loathe them. One of the reasons that I do not watch the Regis show, aside from the annoying hosts, is because everyone sits on bar stools.
2. I have a wonky toe nail. I'm not telling which one, nor which foot, but it's wonky from an infection from when I wore toe shoes. Every day of the week! (Kidding about that part, but it did happen when I was en pointe.) Weird and gross!
3. I used to work in a Fotomat booth. That is just a weird place to work.
4. I have an overpowering sense of smell. Am able to smell different meats, cheeses, libations, and perfumes on people. Weird!
5. The actor Eric Stoltz saved my life when I was 18. I stepped into traffic in Trafalgar Square and he pulled me up on the curb just as a double decker swooshed by. What makes this weird is that he was accompanied by that guy who played Malicki in Children of the Corn.
6. I have never and will never drink a glass of milk. And I have never had Wonder Bread. Some people think that is weird.
7. I sometimes think in haiku. Weird!
8. When I was a teenager, I went by the name of Debbie Glitter. My teachers at school knew me my that moniker. Weird!
9. Speaking of names, there is a woman with the same name as me who goes to the same doctor. My insurance has been billed for her services. Weird!
10. Have you seen my hair? Weird!!

Donate Now

I would never expect that in my lifetime, I would see part of my country ripped apart by natural disaster with thousands upon thousands of people left with nothing but the clothing on their backs. Americans as refugees. I have been shocked and horrified by what I have seen happening in New Orleans and the rest of the Gulf Coast. I am just not able to articulate how sorry and helpless I feel.

I called the Red Cross this morning to offer a donation. Why I had not done so sooner, I could not tell you. Please, make a donation toward the relief effort. If not the Red Cross, then here is a list of other organizations who can help.