Ce Soir ou Jamais

tonight I write...or never

Saturday, October 29

Pussy Pucker Pots

My daughter is a huge fan of cats. Sometimes she thinks she is one.
Anything to do with cats, she is all over it. From the musical Cats to the
Cat in the Hat, to owning 3 cats, her world revolves around all things
feline. She has kitty shirts, kitty pencils, kitty stickers, kitty stuffed
animals, real life kitties and is convinced that once she dies, she will
come back as a snow leopard. That is a cat, you know.

The other day we went to the punk rock hair salon to get hers cut. While I
was paying, she discovered a jar with candy and some little tins with a
black 'French kitty' head on them. She asked for a free candy but instead
took the tiny tin. Thinking it was part of the free candy, I helped her
remove the protective seal once we were in the car. What's in the tin?
Pussy Pucker Pots~ vegan lip balm. While that sounds harmless, the back of
the tin reads: For the tastiest lips north of the hips. Hmm.

My daughter does use the term 'pussy' to describe kitty cats, but
hardly often as she knows it makes me cringe. Why it makes me cringe
hearing an 8 year old say that word is something she does not know. I have
confiscated the lip balm as I do not want her friends asking about lips, hips,
and pussy. I'm not ready to explain it.

My co-workers want to know just where this hair salon is located.

Thursday, October 13

Off he goes

It's time for Crazy Legs to be moving on with his adventures. He's been a really great houseguest. For a frog. Unlike the other animals in the house, he did not spill his food everywhere, eat his own poo, or try to climb the drapes. For that, I am thankful. Crazy Legs spent a lot of time with Darian who got along like best friends. They went shopping, blared music and did a lot of dancing, and went on loads of Darian's imaginary adventures.

Happy Trails to you, Crazy Legs! May we meet up again in the future!

Tuesday, October 11

Ten on Tuesday: 10 Best Presents You Have Received

How fittng....as today is MY BIRTHDAY!!!

Thinking back to all my past birthdays and holidays, here is the list of the 10 best gifts I have ever gotten:

1. A trip to Europe~ 14 weeks and 9 countries back when I first married my husband.
2. Tickets to shows- too many to count but ones that stand out are tickets to Chicago the Musical, Cinderella the musical, Sleeping Beauty the musical, and all the seasons at the Seattle Children's Theater, in addition to the free concerts I got to go to courtesy of a relative in the record business. Most memorable: Jane's Addiction, the Cure, and the Rolling Stones.
3. The Judy Bloom collection of books when I turned 8. Sealed the deal with my love for reading.
4. Shoes. Most recently, a pair of Couch heels.
5. Drapes- my housewarming present from my mom.
6. Restaurant gift certificates~ I have gotten quite a few to some swanky places in Seattle and have enjoyed every one of them. Date nights with hubby!!
7. All the antiques in my house.
8. The following baby gifts were the best ever: the diaper genie and pacifiers!
9. Volunteering. Giving back has got to be one of the best gifts ever.
10. My marriage and my child. Without those 2 things together, I wouldn't be celebrating.

Happy Birthday to Me!!

Friday, October 7

He's here!

I was sitting over at my neighbor's house, chatting about our days when the UPS truck pulled up between our homes. It was Crazy Legs' limo!! He's here! And just in time for my birthday!

Shizzle my nizzle with a side of gigglelizzles

So why does Snoop Dog need an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle.

I have been giddy lately. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I get up at 4:30 every freakin morning, but recently I get the giggles around 1 o'clock everyday. My cube mates can set their clocks by the sound of laughter coming from my side of the office.

The stupidest things are making me giggle and I am sure if I wrote them out to you, internet, you would not be laughing as hard as I. I tell you though, my delivery in person will have you rolling. Fo Drizzle.

I used to work for a doctor's answering service. One Sunday I took the following call:

"Hello. I am having a reaction to my zovirexboomgee, " complains the patient who has a very thick accent, similar to a cross between Russian and Spanish.

"I'm sorry, ma'am, what is happening?"

"I'm having a reaction to my zovirexboomgee, " her rolling r's becoming more defined.

"Ma'am, I am sorry, but I am not familiar with zovirexboomgee." Being the professional I am, I try to stifle any giggles. Thank goodness for the mute button.

"I told you, I am having a reaction to my zovirexboomgee!!!!"

"Ma'am, could you please spell that for me?"

Clearly frustrated by now, the patient says, "Yes. I am looking at the bottle. It is spelled z-o-v-i-r-a-x-b-o-o-m-g"

"Ma'am, thank you. It's not zovirexboomgee, it's Zovirax 800mg, yes?"

It's 10 years later and that conversation still kills me.

Wednesday, October 5

From My Pad to Yours

We are expecting a house guest here at Monkey Hill. Crazy Legs O'Houlihan is coming to pay a visit to the Emerald City. I have no idea when to expect him- I only know he is on his way.

Tonight while eating dinner, I viewed my neighbor's porch and was quite disturbed to see a package sitting there- waiting to be opened. "My blog frog's in there...I just know it!" My husband assured me that the package sitting at 1102 was not CLO. "Honey, the mail carrier *and* the UPS guy know you too well. Neither would deliver a package for you to the wrong house."

"Look at the shape of that box. There's a frog in there. My houseguest is sitting on Brad's porch!"

"Maybe Brad's a blogger, too, Mommy, and he is supposed to get Crazy Legs next."

"No! Brad is *not* next to host the blog frog! It's ME! It's my turn to have him!"

"Ummm...honey, do you have any idea when he is supposed to be sent here?"

"Well, no, but damn it! Look at the shape of that box! There is a frog in there! And you know, the label could say 1107, but the 7 could look like a 2 and even though the delivery guys know me so well, they still make mistakes! Oh, I know that box is my frog!"

Just at that moment, the front door of Brad's house opens and the package is taken inside.

"That's my frog he just took in the house!"

"Would you get over it, honey?! It's *not* Crazy Legs, OK?!! And if it were, Brad would bring him right over!"

"Mommy, what if Brad wants to keep Crazy Legs for a while?"

"Stop it! Just stop it! That frog is across the street and he is supposed to be over here!"

"Stop peering in his windows, honey! The frog was not delivered to Brad's house!"

Oh, Crazy Legs...when will you be visiting Monkey Hill??!

Monday, October 3

Blame it on technology

I love cell phones! I love that most of the time spent conversing with my husband is not in person, but on the phone. And I especially love that there are areas in the Puget Sound that get no reception:

"So, I was thinking about what to get you for your birthday, " says sexy husband.

"You know honey, don't waste your time trying to find the perfect present which I will end up criticizing and taking back or exchanging anyway. Just cut to the chase and give me the cash."

"What? What? You're cutting out!! I can't hear you! You have a rash? What?"


I'm sure the reception is cutting out just as I want him to GSM.