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tonight I write...or never

Sunday, September 25

Terry Love's Plumbing

Yesterday I posted briefly about the toilet among toilets that was just installed in my second bathroom. I had the pleasure of purchasing the toilet from the expert on the Toto Ultramax. The man, the myth, the legend: Terry Love. When you google Toto Ultramax, the first non-sponsored link is his site. And there is a reason for that. The man could write novels about plumbing, flushing mechanism's, and commercial grade performance. In fact, he has several published articles on those subjects. Terry Love put the G in G-Max flushing mechanism.

When I called to question the availabilty of the toilet, I spoke with him. My husband did not believe me. When I said that Terry Love called my office from his cell phone, he still did not believe me. "C'mon, you expect a guy like Terry Love, the man, the myth, the legend, to return your call? The guy has more important things to do with his time than answer your questions about cotton white and colonial white color differentials." Oh, but my husband was wrong. Terry Love is about service and takes every call about the Toto seriously.

In speaking with Terry, I initially stated that I wanted the round bowl. He immediately asked if a man would be using this toilet. "Of course!" I exclaimed, "My husband can't wait to break that baby in!" "Uh, then he will want the elongated bowl, " he expertly recommended. "The elongated bowl? Well, I am not sure if we have the space for that- the area for the toilet is a bit cramped, no pun intended." He assured me that the elongated was what a man needed. So, taking his advice, I ordered, selecting the colonial white as my color choice. It would be ready on Thursday!

That day arrived and my husband drove across town to pick it up. At first, he thought he was lost, as he had entered a fancy residential area- no plumbing stores in sight. Upon reaching Terry's address, he was surprised to see toilets in the driveway and taking up most of the backyard. What kind of plumber uses their lawn as their warehouse? Knocking on the door, a sleepy man answered to say that Terry was not in, but, "your toilet is sitting there in the driveway." "No," my husband countered, "that toilet has some other ladie's name on it." The man sighed, and mumbled to himself that it was his day off and that he should at least get some sort of commission as this whole operation was his brother's thing. After a few phone calls, Terry arrived allowing his brother to go back to bed and my husband to take away the highly anticipated bathroom fixture. My husband then got a wild idea: *we* have a huge garage and shop here at Monkey Hill~ we could fill that space with Toto's and make a few extra bucks peddling them on the internet. But you know what, I wouldn't want to upset the Toto mafia. You know Terry Love's got a lot of powerful friends with their own Toto Ultramax's . Toto's hooked up my Terry himself.

Though the dream of having our own Toto business was quickly flushed- in 3 seconds, no doubt- the reality is that now we own the ultimate in gravitational flushing technology.

The Romans had their aqueducts. We at Monkey Hill have our Toto Ultramax.


  • At 5:09 AM, Blogger Vajana said…

    "put the G in G-max" Hilarious!

    Terry sounds like a prime cut of meat for sure.Toilets in the driveway, that is classy.


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