Don't Mess With Texas

Y'all know I got back from TX a few days ago, right? And you're dying to know more about what happened while I was down there, right? Well, I am going to tell you, anyway!

Great Grandma _Bo really wanted to see her one and only great granddaughter as well as her grandson and granddaughter-in-law. Sexy Husband's dad lives in TX, too, and he wanted to spend some quality time with his son. Not like he could come up here to Seattle to visit. It's not like he is in a rest home/senior condo like Grandma, no, he just has too many things going on down there to come up and see us.

Anyway, I dreaded making the trek down there because A. I am allergic to Texas and B. Have you any idea how freakin' hot it is there? But, Family First! So, we take a 6am flight on a Saturday morning to fly into Austin. As we are making our decent onto this foreign soil, Sexy Husband explains to Darian that the town where Grandma lives is the town where George Bush is from and she is *not* to make any Bush jokes while she is there. She looked at him coolly and said, 'I know the Bush's. They grow in my backyard. Hahahahah!!' You should have seen the faces on the plane and the dead silence that followed. /crickets chirp/

We deal with the rental car company- a blog post unto itself- and I get upgraded to a MINIVAN. I am not a minivan mom. Never have been, never will. Nothing against you fine folk who own and enjoy them- they are just not me. But, damn! Do you feel like the captain of the enterprise behind the wheel of that thing! I drove close to 1,000 miles in that thing spending half the time playing with the electronic seat adjusters while the cruise control did all the work! Then sexy husband reminded me that for years I drove a 'high up' car and it sits in the garage only to be taken out for camping and weekends skiing. (It's our beloved Jeep named Bob which Sexy Husband had turned into what Darian calls a 'Monster Truck')

We make our way to Dad's house, the next day trekking out to Grandma's. She lives about 5-6 hours east of Dad and because I was tail gating Dad's Buick with the cruise control set on 80, we made it in a record 4.5 hours. Dad only crapped his pants twice.

While visiting Grandma, Darian enjoyed scooter rides as well as lunch in the home's dining room. And boy was it a special day for us- lunch was the choice of....Beef Stroganov or *liver*. Darian said, 'Uh, I don't really eat meat' which made Grandma almost fall out of her chair. She opted for a roll with some jelly. Apparently, strawberry jelly is a hot ticket item there at Shady Acres, and it took quite a bit of trolling to score a packet of Smuckers. She did and Grandma enjoyed her liver while I downed the Folgers. This is the life, I tell ya!

Now comes drama: the phone rings and because Grandma is deaf (only when she wants to be) she passes the phone to dad as someone is ranting and raving about a bomb scare at her other son's house in Florida. A bomb scare? What is that? Grandma was in on it!! I only heard Dad's side of it:

"She's been drinking too much wine."
"Well, it's all lies, lies...well, she makes up stories cause she's drunk all the time."
"Yes, that is my estranged brother. He knows...it's called Denial!"

For about 15 more minutes, I hear talk of wine and wine, and some other grandson who decided he wants to bomb his step dad and mom's house, but told Grandma about it first, and how dare Grandma not call Florida to warn them about it!

Drama, drama, blah, blah, blah.....I tell you...reading this you are not making sense and if you had been there in person, you would not have made sense of it. At all. I still don't. But what gets me is why do you involve the 89 year old grandma who is being treated for dementia and is just trying to live a peaceful life at Shady Acres? The grandma who is more generous and caring than any other grandma I have known? Why hurt her like that? The _Bo matriarch and patriarch say it's because of all the *wine*. No imbibing for me while I was down there! I had my cocktail tonight trying to sort through it all!

I did enjoy some nice dinners. The family went out for cheap mexican one night (my treat!) and another night opted for steaks. Of course!

Sadly, I had to leave the excitement behind, hitting the road with my dog to spend the night in Austin before leaving at 5:30 the next morning for home. While in Austin, I got to spend a few hours in person with the lovely Lora. We went to a tasty place in Austin call z'Tejas where I had a luscious meal of crab stuffed chicken. Oy, was it good! And how cool to meet a blogger in person! Lora, true to her blog persona, is articulate, kind, and really cute! And she drives a Jeep, too! I thank her so much for her hospitality and am looking forward to reciprocating! Did I mention that I was in Austin?

So, I am home now and counting the hours until I hit the airport the pick up my family. I have been in contact daily, talking to Dad, Darian, and Sexy Husband. The wine and bombs are no more, traded in for time on the tennis court. The _Bo team kicked some serious doubles ass at the club, I am told, and Darian has one helluva serve!

While Texas is not one of my favorite places on this earth, I will say that the few days spent this past week there are some of the most memorable and pleasurable I have had. And I am glad to say that Sexy Husband, Darian, Grandma, and Dad all agree.