I said No!!
Today I think I hurt my daughter's friend's feelings not to mention, I've pissed off her mom.
Long story short, my daughter has a very good friend who comes over often for sleepovers. I can always count on her arguing with just about everything I ask of her; more or less backtalking. It's gotten to a point where I have had enough and said to her mother this morning that I am tired of her daughter's attitude. Her mother looked surprised, took her daughter aside and had a conversation. I am not sure what they said, but when they came back into the room, it was obvious that the little girl had been crying. From the time they returned, until we parted company, the little girl would only glare at me- trying to force out the evil eye from hers of blue.
Come to find out that in this little girl's family, everything, and I mean everything, is negotiated. (collaborative decision parenting is what this is referred to.???) She is not used to hearing another grownup tell her to do something without being able to express her feelings about it. When I tell her that we are going to do something a certain way, she wants to be able to say how she feels about it, first, before any action happens. (Uh, how then does this work when she is in school for most of the day?)
I'm sorry, but that's not how things work in my house. I say, this is when we are leaving, or eating, or cleanup time, or whatever, and my daughter generally grants my wish without giving me a song and dance about each request. Not her friend! I flat out asked my daughter if she talks back to her friend's parents and her friend answered for her, 'She doesn't.' Why, then, must you talk back to me, 6 year old friend of my daughter?
The kicker was when my husband was talking about cheddar and the little girl said that cheddar was not a cheese. After Scott explained that it was, she actually said, 'Whatever.' I should only hope that my child does not brush off an adult in such a disrespectful manner.
Granted, our daughter is an only child with 2 attentive parents, and we tend to talk to her as if she were an adult. However, we respect what she has to say, we try not interrupt, and we do our best to adhere to her wishes. But for Christ's sake, the 6 year old is not in charge and when the parent says No, she/he means No!!
Now, did you understand my words?
Long story short, my daughter has a very good friend who comes over often for sleepovers. I can always count on her arguing with just about everything I ask of her; more or less backtalking. It's gotten to a point where I have had enough and said to her mother this morning that I am tired of her daughter's attitude. Her mother looked surprised, took her daughter aside and had a conversation. I am not sure what they said, but when they came back into the room, it was obvious that the little girl had been crying. From the time they returned, until we parted company, the little girl would only glare at me- trying to force out the evil eye from hers of blue.
Come to find out that in this little girl's family, everything, and I mean everything, is negotiated. (collaborative decision parenting is what this is referred to.???) She is not used to hearing another grownup tell her to do something without being able to express her feelings about it. When I tell her that we are going to do something a certain way, she wants to be able to say how she feels about it, first, before any action happens. (Uh, how then does this work when she is in school for most of the day?)
I'm sorry, but that's not how things work in my house. I say, this is when we are leaving, or eating, or cleanup time, or whatever, and my daughter generally grants my wish without giving me a song and dance about each request. Not her friend! I flat out asked my daughter if she talks back to her friend's parents and her friend answered for her, 'She doesn't.' Why, then, must you talk back to me, 6 year old friend of my daughter?
The kicker was when my husband was talking about cheddar and the little girl said that cheddar was not a cheese. After Scott explained that it was, she actually said, 'Whatever.' I should only hope that my child does not brush off an adult in such a disrespectful manner.
Granted, our daughter is an only child with 2 attentive parents, and we tend to talk to her as if she were an adult. However, we respect what she has to say, we try not interrupt, and we do our best to adhere to her wishes. But for Christ's sake, the 6 year old is not in charge and when the parent says No, she/he means No!!
Now, did you understand my words?
1 Comments:
At 9:01 AM,
Kristina said…
Heh. Yeah, that would drive me bugfuck. Good for you for setting your boundaries... it's fine that her family negotiates everything with her at home, but she does need to learn that the big world doesn't play by her rules.
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