How to feel good about your body

Decide on a whim to try on jeans in the BP department at Nordstrom. That's the junior's department: the place where ladies just a few years older than you are walking through the racks telling their pre-pubescent daughters that the clothes are just a little too tight. Yeah, that's where you decide to spend your dinner hour.

Upon perusing the tiny tees with slogans such as I heart Seth and Mrs. Kutcher, you spy the perfect pair of Calvin Klein jeans. They are the right shade of blue, and the design on the pocket brings you back to when you were in the 6th grade and got your first pair. Knowing that your size 14's are snug and your size 12's are *really* snug, you choose the largest pair on the rack. The pants are measured in waist size and recalling your measurements, you think the widest waist offered may work well for you. And really, can you be *that* big?

A cheerful sales girl hangs the jeans in a room for you. You peel off your size 12's- or are they 14's?- and slide a leg into the Calvins. Boy, are they soft! Your right leg makes it in and with ease, the pants glide up over the chunkiness of your rump. So far, so good! You then start to zip them. Wait a minute, something must be wrong with the zipper cause it's not moving up. So you tell yourself, "Ah, they are new and don't have that broken in feel to them. Let me button first!" As you watch yourself in the mirror, you are shocked and amazed to see that the button and button hole need another inch of fabric before they can meet. In other words, those low riders will not make it across your stomach!

Feeling thoroughly defeated, you gracefully make your way out of the Calvins, redress, and go to hang them back on the rack. The cheerful sales girl intercepts you, curious as to how the Calvins fit. With refreshing honesty you claim, "You know, if I didn't have such a big old gut, these jeans would fit. I could really use them in ." You watch her face drop as she gives you the depressing news, "Oh, that's actually the largest those come." She notices the dismay on your face and always out to make a sale she adds, "But Lucky brand makes that size! Let me check for you!" You suddenly feel a glimmer of hope as she makes her way to the Lucky section to locate that waist size. Sure enough, there are a couple styles to choose from! As the cheerful sales girls searches the rack for the right dark rinse you request, she shouts, "Oh, I thought that size was the largest. Look they go up to !" Noticing the tension on your face, she says, "But I am sure that those will work well for you." Always quick with the comedy, you quip, " Well, I really am a Narrative type gal, if you couldn't tell! Just thought I would try something new!" Narrative is the department where your grandmother shops. The sales girls laughs and says, "No really, these are going to be great jeans for you!" You request to try on both sizes. And you have yet to shop in Narrative.

She leads you back to the dressing room where again you kick off your heels and peel off your trousers. You slide a leg into the smaller pair. Wow- just as soft as the Calvins. You button them. What? You *buttoned them*! The zipper zips with ease! You admire yourself in the mirror, in spite of your spare tire. You put your 4 inch heels on and walk through the department. The salesgirl compliments you and says they make your butt look good! Your butt looks good! Now do so something about the length. Not only are you substantial in the middle, you are also short. Wearing 4 inch hottie shoes, the pants still cover your toes. Alterations can fix that! And the pants will be ready in a week.

You pay for the jeans and get giddy at the thought you have a week to drop a couple pounds to look even hotter.

You Lucky gal, you. :)